So it finally hit me, "If I stay in Ohio I wil die before my time. Maybe in less than ten years. I don't want to be here, I am not happy here and never have been. Ohio is killing me, if I want to live, I have to leave." And then I did something that still amazes me...

I told Fred, "I love you more than life it's self but Ohio is killing me. I have to leave. I don't know where I'm going but I can't stay here any longer." He looked at me silently for a moment and then left the room. "Oh great! I just ended my marriage," I thought. But about a minute later he came back carrying something. He had the Rand-McNally Road Atlas in his hand! He spread it out on the table in front of us, opened to the page of the entire United States and he drew a line across the country. A horizonal line, below the half way mark. "Where do you want to go?" he said, "We can go anywhere south of here, it doesn't snow in any of these places."

Looking back, I really didn't totally appreciate his gesture. His life long dream was to own his own company. He'd planned for it since he was a boy and now, here he was, willing to give it all up. He must have loved me as much as he was capable. To do that was a huge sacrifice on his part. Granted the company was in a dire situation and if we didn't accrue the printing company we'd be sunk (and that wasn't going well) but he was actually ready and willing to walk away from it all. That was very generous. The problem is, we just never did properly communicate--I could no more comprehend his willingness to walk away from his dream than he was able to comprehend that saying "okay" to me meant "not good." To him, "okay" is literally alright. Like in, "How do I look?" "OK." So then I'd go start over because that was average which to me meant substandard. See, it really is all about perceptions isn't it?

So we up and moved to Vegas. I end the story here...I've glossed or skipped over some parts. My intention has been to share my story with you so that you could see (almost first hand) how I ignored or missed feathers and even Mac trucks that Spirit sent to me attempting to guide me along my path. I was dead to that world, completely unaware. And yet at a very deep level I kept wondering, is this all there is? Isn't there more? I want more! And you know what? In the ten years since we left Ohio, I have discovered, I DESERVE more! I am worthy of it and it is my birthright and I intend to grab hold of it and hang on.

Namaste, more soon