Anyway. So I feel no one is willing to help me with this drug, they're all like, oh, you're fine. And I only get to see the physician who prescribed it once a quarter, that's insurance's rule. One night I have to pick my husband up at the airport. It's 11:30 at night and Dayton, OH doesn't exactly have a huge airport. I pull up the usual place but it's all barricaded. I work a 14-16 hour day, how the hell did I know the Pope was in Dayton that day? It's also the day the OJ Simpson trial ended. And more importantly, what's it got to do with me. I just want to pick up hubby and go home to bed. But the airport cop decides to stereotype the lady in the Cadillac and make her move. I argue with him. I'm gonna be there for two more minutes and what about all the other cars? He says move or he'll impound the car and haul me off to jail as a suspected terrorist. (This is YEARS before 9/11.) Pissed, I throw the car in drive and squeal away. (I was in gravel.) He pulls me over and writes me a ticket for reckless driving. I totally over react. Totally. I am crying hysterically when my husband gets to the car. He's pissed. And I feel worse than I did the day I called the suicide hotline. We get home (yes, before cell phones) and I call the hotline for my shrink. They tell me to stop the Prozac immediately once I tell them how I've been feeling. But you're not suppose to go off it cold turkey, I say. No, you're not but you are obviously having adverse reactions to it. You think?! After a couple of months of trial and error, they finally find a drug mild enough for me to take. I'm diagnosed with acute depression. Nothing exotic, just flat out depressed. Come to find out, it started with my third abortion (gee, I wonder why) and was compounded by the birth control pills my gyno gave me. (Never ever let a doctor tell you a pill can't have a certain side effect without double checking at least with a pharmacist). Toss in a huge bundle of stress and swallowed feelings and voilá, you're a basket case! I spent two years in therapy. Even stumped my shrink half way through and he had to have a session with me where his colleagues observed through one-way glass to help him figure out what to do next with me! I seemed so rational but I felt like my world was shattering around me. (I know now, it was. It was suppose to because I wasn't suppose to be there doing what I was doing.) It was around this time I developed a poking pain in my shoulder...if I forget, remind me sometime to tell you about that, it's another whole story!

to be continued...
(and for you regular readers, I apologize for the delay in this post--Spirit is certainly at work with us! :)
love light & hugs
leslie